THE FOLLOWING QUESTION HAS BEEN POSTED ...
Anonymous said...
I just finished reading your sermon on marriage and divorce. I have been married for several years, but most of those years have been unhappy ones. We are both believers, there's no adultry or abuse going on, but in general our marriage has never been a good one. My spouse has promised over and over to make changes for the better, but I have yet to see any changes. I am not perfect, but I am tired of being the only one making efforts to make this marriage work. I don't want to live the next 50 years this way. You suggested books or audio tapes about marriage - can you suggest some that might be helpful to us?
10:08 AM, March 07, 2006
posted by Dr James D Harless @ 4:05 PM
5 Comments:
You have already started in the right direction ... you are looking for ways to fix it instead of bailing! I am proud of you for that! First of all ... know that I am praying for you ... even though I don't know who you are ... God does and will bless! Here are a couple of books to start on ... His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley. And ... Four
Seasons of Marriage by Gary Chapman. Pray for your mate and your marriage. Pray for a breakthrough! God is powerful and can do the impossible!
Thank you for your advice. I have finished one book and am reading the second one now. My question now is ... is it normal to feel worse, even more depressed, after reading these than before reading them? I am talking with my spouse, although we don't have a clue how to make things better. I am praying, but I don't feel any differently. What do we do now?
Often things do get worse before they get better! In fact, because they do ... many quit trying. That is the last thing you want to do! The fact that the two of you are talking about it is a good step. The best thing that you can do is find a good marriage counselor. Your marriage is worth it! By the way ... most men see this as a weakness to go to a counselor ... it is not! It is actually a strength. It shows that you are smart enough and determined enough to do whatever it takes to bring excitement and life to your marriage.
Gary Smalley also has some books on relationship/marriage. He has a video series titled "The Keys to a Loving Relationship" that is very good. It covers what both people need to do in a marriage and some ways to accomplish them.
Having gone through divorce, I understand your pain and frustration. Acouple of things that I have learned through hard experience: 1) you can only change yourself. You cannot change your spouse. 2) If you want someone to change, show them the benefit to them if the change is made. If they see the benefit to themselves, they will own the change. This makes the change for their good not mine.
You are doing the right thing by standing by your husband and seeking help in the Lord. Man has always been the dominant role and his happiness should of course be considered before yours. It is very unfortunante that you have not been happy for years and your sacrifice is greatly noted in the eyes of God and will not go unrewarded. You may not find your happiness in this lifetime but in Heaven you will be rewarded abundantly.
Post a Comment
<< Home